SLUT

Slut. Oh boy, where to start with this. Do I start with the paradoxical social expectations of female sexuality. Do I start with the word slut itself. Or with my own sexual conflict, or the conflict of my peers and friends. Let's start with the word.

What do you mean when you call someone a slut? I think it safe for me to assume that most people intend it to demean the sexuality of the person that are labeling. Which is appropriate if the person being called a slut is using sex to abuse or manipulate. But the term slut is commonly used to demean a woman because of her sexuality. It is intended to make her feel embarrassed and ashamed of being sexual. It casts female sexuality in such a light as to make women feel like their sexuality ought to be a secret, and not at all depicted to anyone that they want respect from. Most females would not feel comfortable talking with a casual group of people about their own sexuality. It's because the media insists that women are to be very sexy, but society condemns revealing your sexuality. If I was at a party and a group of guys started talking about one of their totally hot exes and what a great lay she was it would be considered normal. But if I joined in and said something similar about an ex or contributed to the conversation all of those guys would think I was a slut. It's a social norm. It's expected.

So why am I the slut and they aren't? Why is this totally absurd double standard not recognized by the average person?

Obviously my personal views on sexuality may differ from yours. But this is pretty much what I think: porn is such a strong industry because humans like sex. It's natural. It's biological. Humans like sex. Men talk about sex because it interests them. Women talk about sex because it interests them. But we're not allowed to appreciate it in the same ways. Men are allowed to want to bang just about any chick they meet. And why shouldn't they want to? Sex is fun. And chicks are hot. But not for women, no way. If a woman said she'ed bang just about any attractive guy that she could, she'd be a slut. No longer a woman, no longer a friend, no longer a partner worth respect. Now she's a slut. There's no point in investing friendship in her. She's a slut. And that's dirty.

I don't see how people can make this crude assumption every day and not think about it.

Every time my friend or my boyfriend mentions something about my sex life in front of another person I act embarrassed. I act. I'm not really embarrassed. I like sex and I like talking about it. But I don't feel like I can be sexual and be respected. There are only three people that I can talk to about sex and not feel dirty. This is social oppression. I feel ashamed of myself for my perfectly normal and natural sexuality.

Fifteen year old girls are learning to manipulate with their sexuality, or are learning to fear and be ashamed of it, because their parents aren't teaching them otherwise. Neither are their friends or their teachers. These girls see that their sexuality is viewed as something bad or dangerous or fragile beyond understanding, so they treat it as if it really is. When parents refuse to teach their children what kind of sexual desires and displays are normal, then dumb ass teenagers have to figure it out for themselves. And dumb ass teenagers usually fuck up the complicated things in life.

But why is this the norm? Is it because the idea of a sexually liberated women intimidates the average Joe? Or is it just the general puritanism in our nation that most people don't abide but still feel like they should kinda act like they abide.

How do you feel about someone's sexuality being discussed or displayed. Why? Do you feel differently about that expression coming from a man or a woman? Why? Do you think I've got it all wrong and that all sexuality should be private and secretive? Why?

No matter what the source, this is a problem that needs to be addressed. I just want people to respect me as a woman, in everything that that entails. My sexuality is not abnormal or freakish. But I fear the disappointment and disrespect that usually accompany some enlightenment into my sex life. I have a healthy, normal, fun, and communicative sex life. And I'm ashamed of that.